Friday, June 02, 2006

The keys are mine!

As of the first of the coming month, the keys to the Crab & Pickle will be mine! I have signed all the necessary paperwork, and escrow has begun. Jerome demanded in writing that I rename the place — poor fellow, the whole affair has just left him in tatters — so it is now more pressing than ever that I find something new to put on the shingle. As mentioned previously, trying to have someone else name your pub is like having them put your glasses on for you: it will forever feel wrong until you re-seat them yourself.

I'm going to use this free space to free-associate a list of names. It's the first proper generative device I've thought to use, actually. As the departing soul says to the body, here goes nothing.

1. The Rat and Nickel
Rhymes with Crab & Pickle. Will probably put people off as derivative and inadequate.

2. The Tired Old World
I kind of like this one. Perhaps because I am tired and old as I write this.

3. The Tired Mill Wheel
Implies even more misery, and isn't that why one goes to pubs?

4. I'm Tired of Hearing Lyle Throw Up in the Yard
I swear, that man could feed ten thousand baby birds, the way he acts.

5. The I'm Tired
I'm tired, let's face it. Am I too tired to name a pub?

6. The Blood and Cuspid
Apparently not!

7. The Well Respected Man
Got you there, didn't I! I am most certainly not too old to enjoy The Kinks. In fact, I see them as absolute staple material on the jukebox.

8. The Bitch's Brew
As earlier, I came into this pub because the previous owner's wife was a "terrible bitch." Is this set of circumstances not a brew she boiled up? (On reflection, I think this one is quite weak.)

9. The Abandoned Casket
Quite cool. One imagines the dead, come to life for a pint.

10. The Beckoning Casket
Okay, I'm obviously in no mood to name a pub. It's a finger or two of something stiff, a hand-rolled, and then to bed. Perhaps the cherished morning ritual will restore the marrow I am lacking.

11. The Marrow and Bones
Sorry. I'm leaving now.